Does A Jellyfish Have Self-confidence?

Posted on March 25, 2008

What is Self-confidence?

Self confidence is to know that you are going to be okay, no matter what.
Self confidence is to love yourself as you are.
Self confidence is to live your own way.
Self confidence is Integrity.
Self confidence is to enter the unknown with no fear, knowing that you can handle whatever will come.
Self confidence involves positive thinking, optimism and the ability to give and support others.
Self confidence is a necessary ingredient for true Love.
Self-confidence is part of ones personality that has roots in all the levels of his being.

It has genetic roots and social roots; it has conscience parts and un-conscience parts, it is very dynamic and it touches every aspect of human life. What we call Self-confidence is actually the strength of our Ego. There is a strong connection between self-confidence and self-boarders.

In order to strength your self-confidence you need to strength your ego boarders.
Ego needs boarders between oneself and the world. This is the basis of his existence. If there are boarders, there must be a center, a core, a nucleus. The existence of the center depends on the existence of boarders. The center is your spine. This is true in the micro and in the macro levels. The simple body cell has a nucleus, a membrane and plasma in the between. Without the boarders of the membrane the plasma will split and the nucleus will die.

Some philosophical disciplines saying that man should strive to the ultimate state of mind of unity with all, no Ego, be part of the divine. This is nice but really not functional in our physical world. This feeling of unity can be amazing for limited time, afterwards if one does not back to his ego and his boarders he might as well be “dead” or insane or live in a monastery…

The spine of your self-confidence is what you were born with, the predisposition of self-confidence in your DNA. The outer boarders are fixed by the person itself (consciously and unconsciously) according to his socialization process and his life experience. The boarders are ones self-determination, his beliefs and values that determined his actions, his rate of assertiveness, his need of privacy, his space boarders, time boarders, human rights, freedom etc.
The boarders are from inside out and vice-versa.

To strengthen his self confidence one must have clear boarders.

One of the major personal problems in the modern world is lack of boarders, especially in personal relationships and in families, but also in the work environment and relationships with authorities. In the traditional societies the boarders were very clear. In the last decades most of the traditional norms were broken, the boarders were burglarized. From one hand this is good. The boarders can be widened, there are more freedoms for self growth and self fulfillment, and the boarders are set mainly by the individual and not by society or religious. On the other hand, people tend to forget the important of the boarders, and it is more difficult to put boarders from within then from outside.

A person who does not have clear boarders consequently will not have a spine, a center, nothing to lean on – He will be swept by life events with no control like the Jellyfish in the ocean.

Your boarders are the Corner Stone for Self-Confidence. The boarders keep your personality as a whole; keep your identity, separate among you and others. When you have low confidence, others will tend to enter your secret space without your permission, they could rob your time and your other resources, you will be afraid to stand up for your needs and/or opinions; you will be mistreated, exploited and threatened. This will not happen if you will stand on your boarders.

Fake it till you make it!

This is my advice: Self confidence is not something that you can measure or quantified, especially since what you are aware of is only the tip of the ice-bark. You do not control your self-confidence, it controls you. But Boarders can be seen and can be controlled. You have to be clear with yourself, what are the “do” or “not do”, what is “allowed” or “not-allowed”; decide to keep close attention to your boarders on daily basis. Even if inside you feel small or weak or inferior – fake it!!! Stand on the boarders you stated. Not only you will feel good, in short time it will come natural and your self esteem will grow together with your self confidence.

Irit Gezler is a personal life-coach for self growth and empowerment, mentoring people to take their life to the next level and to improve their life quality and be happy. http://www.coach-yourself.biz

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